For the Love of Leo
Leo was everything and more to me and the decision I made on 2nd Aug this year will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I had watched him suffer over 7 days. He was a little soldier but I knew he was very depressed.
I came to my decision because I knew the cards were on the table that his quality of life was only going to get worse.
He was sick of going to the vets and pulled on his lead to get out of the vets that morning I knew he was very ill.
You see, he had been on low dose of steroids for 9 years of his life due to an anal stricture he had developed when he was two.
I was told even then that as he got older the steroids which hadn't been the bad guys would eventually cause diabetes and that's exactly what happened. Then he developed pancreatitis and colitis as well.
He was on a drip for 2 days and appeared improved. I got him home and had to inject him with insulin instead of steroids because the steroids would make he diabetes uncontrolled.
Giving him 3 anti inflammatory pills every day to keep his stricture under control was so hard. Then, if he wouldn't eat I couldn't give him insulin.
Even the vet and 2 nurses couldn't manage to get a pill down his throat so I couldn't see a way to make him better. He cried like a baby every time I put him in the car as he knew he was going to the vets.
He felt so bad he started to turn on me when I was trying to inject him. My baby with the sad crusty eyes wouldn't even let me clean them.
I was at the end of my rope watching him suffer.
He was eleven years old. I remember the vet saying to me that if he hadn't been my dog he wouldn't have lived even to the age of five.
He's not suffering but I feel I gave up on him too soon and I wish I had tried harder to get him well instead of taking what I now feel was the cowardly way out because I couldn't deal with him being unhappy and unwell.
I can't change anything now. When I asked the vet what he would do if it were his dog he said it would be a 'fair decision' to end his life and did I want to do it now I said yes because I knew if I had taken him out that day I wouldn't go through with it.
So I kissed my Leo and he kissed me and I told him I loved him very much and that he was going to see his 'daddy Jack' my late husband who passed away 8 years ago.
Leo was the last present my late husband bought so he was extra special I have since put his ashes in my late husbands grave so they are together now.
I wish that brought me consolation perhaps it will one day. I love all animals and I would like to think one day I will find the strength to give love to a rescue dog.
Everyone use to say he was more like a person he was so intelligent knew ever word I spoke to him he was my buddy and I can't imagine ever feeling so close to another dog. I wish I could turn the clock back to that fateful day.
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It seems to me you made a good decision for Leo. The poor little guy hurt everywhere and there wasn't anything you could do to stop his diabetes, pancreatitis or colitis at that point. His little body was just plain worn out.
Of course it was hard on you. It would be on anyone.
I know the decision to end a pet's life is terribly hard and makes you responsible but I hope that soon you will see it was a good responsible thing you did for the love of your dog.
I think one day you will see Leo at Rainbow Bridge and he will let you know you did the best you could.